Been kinda down lately. So, I thought I would just tell the world about it....well, the 4 people that read this anyways. I've been battling this inner sadness. It's kinda like a frustration deep within that nothing I do satisfies. Even in my time with the Lord, the life that surrounds me drowns out anything I would hear from him. It's like trying to talk to your friend in the middle of a carnival. You see the lips moving, but can't hear what they are saying. This would be really bad for me cause I can't even read lips.
My friend recently had this burning in her as well. She took off a day and got back on tract where God's calling her (she's writing this amazing book and I can't wait for her to get it out to the world). I love music, at least I think I do...I used to...I still do....SEE! This is the inner frustration coming out. I used to always have a song in my heart. I used to always put stuff to music and lately, I don't have anything. I know...well, I think I remember God calling me to music. I want to glorify Him so much in all that I do and give Him all that I am. He taught me how to play guitar in 2 weeks. Shortly after I started leading worship at my youth group (only knew 5 chords so, songs we sure limited). There was one time I got so frustrated with always breaking my guitar strings I asked the Lord if he truly called me to worship, that he's going to have to provide another guitar. 2 hours later I got a call from a woman at my church stating that a few people had called her and said that they needed to give her money to get her worship leader a new guitar...these people that gave didn't even know me! You would think after these confirmations, I would have no doubt...
Does God change His mind? Has he withdrawn His calling on my life? Have I held back for too long now it's too late? Why is He so silent, I have no song to sing, no song to write. I feel like my life around me is so loud and cluttered, I can't focus on what I once loved to do. But, the things around me are daily things I must do - I'm a mom of 2 boys, a wife and a friend. I love all that I am but somehow, I feel like I'm missing the mark.
2 comments:
He hasn't changed His call. You haven't waited too long. Do whatever you need to do to get back with Him. If you need to take a day off too, do it. If you need to spend a day on your knees seeking the song He has for you, do it. Do whatever you need to do. Love you!
I do believe God is quiet sometimes just to see which way we turn. He is there, but watching. God never moves we do. Sometimes we need to be made aware of this so the eyes of our heart can turn to Him. Keep pursuing Him, He won't lead you wrong. Soon you will feel the change and once again feel His presence. Love ya
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